Surfing the Spectacle

Viva Vivoleum!

It hurts to hear someone refer to those running the oil industry as greedy pigs who create war and destroy the earth.

Nothing could be further than the truth.

Not only do they help us run this great nation, but they’ve got an eye on our future as well. Consider, for instance, the good people at ExxonMobil.


They understand that Earth is a fragile planet. That’s why they’ve led the way in developing safer, cleaner and cheaper alternative fuels.

And their latest innovation may be their greatest.


Last week, in Calgary, Alberta, officials from ExxonMobil and the U.S. National Petroleum Council gave the keynote speech at GO-EXPO, Canada’s largest oil conference.

In a remarkably provocative presentation before hundreds of oilmen, they acknowledged that current fossil fuel practices may well lead to global cataclysmic climate change. The result would inevitably be war, migration and fatalities on a massive scale.

Which, in turn, could really hinder oil production for the rest of us.


Fortunately, their scientists and engineers have found an answer. A brilliant one.

Catastrophic devastation is always viewed as a negative event.

Can’t it also be a positive one?


The answer is yes!

In its PowerPoint presentation, ExxonMobil depicts how we can transform the hundreds of thousands who die from unsafe oil production by processing their bodies into alternative fuel.

This new energy source is called Vivoleum! From life . . . to life!

It’s a wonderful idea and incredibly efficient. Processing plants have been erected throughout Canada and the U.S.


And with so many corpses that would otherwise just be going to waste, Vivoleum pumps are already operating at full speed.

During a tender moment in the presentation, members of the audience received their own Vivoleum candles – a tearful commemoration for an Exxon janitor who tragically passed away after helping to clean up a toxic spill. His last noble wish was that his body be brightly transformed into Vivoleum candles.

He’s now gone, but his biofuel lights the way to tomorrow’s future!


It’s sad to report that not all oil corporations are as enlightened as ExxonMobil. At one point during the presentation, certain oil executives in attendance, incensed that they had no stake in the new technology, insisted that the ExxonMobil representatives and their NPC associates be silenced. Local police were dispatched to remove the speakers.

True change is not easy, my friends, and it does not come in a day.


[Go here for more info on Vivoleum. Check out this animation of a Vivoleum biomass concentration facility and this video tribute to Exxon’s fallen janitor, Reggie. Go here for an article about the human casualties of climate change, and here for great news about the illustrious head of ExxonMobil.]

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