The Next Great Species

Gosh, there’s so much negativity in the world. Can’t people understand that everything is proceeding just as it should?

Belinda Haikes explains the matter in her uplifting guest entry:

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The Love of Hydration

We are a thirsty people! Fortunately Nestlé, one of the world’s most profitable corporations, lovingly offers us its wholesome waters. Pumped straight from drought-ridden California, their thirst-quenching bottles of water are crisp and clear…with a refreshing aftertaste of bribery and deforestation.
God Bless America

“Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.”

(Samuel Johnson, Essayist and Poet)
Protect the Children

In this age of terror, it seems there’s a new school shooting every week in the USA. Can’t anything be done to protect the children? Thanks to new exciting technology seen below, the answer is YES!

Remember, a classroom with a loaded gun is a safe and happy classroom!
Shut Up and Be Happy

Your neighborhood watch officer will be by to collect urine samples in the morning. Jello Biafra with a timely announcement. Image by Winston Smith.
Safety First

Protect the Kids When Driving to the Mall.
Creative Devices That Make Money (#92541)

What if someone made a pain machine, capable of inflicting unbearable torment from a half mile way? Why then, that someone would have an excellent moneymaker.

See the Silent Guardian by our friends at Raytheon. An extremely useful device for dealing with unruly demonstrators and other problems. Brief video anyone?
Print the Legend

“This is the West, sir. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.”

(Maxwell Scott, newspaperman, from The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence)
Our Artists

Avoid Free Will

Our Best Friends are Robots.
Throw the Jew
Down The Well

In a most fruitful research expedition, cultural scientist Sacha Baron Cohen takes on the identity of Kazakhstani journalist Borat Sagdiyev and visits a honkey-tonk bar in Tucson, Arizona.

This research continues to produce a treasure trove of excellent data. Note the splendid array of anti-semitic comments on YouTube, the commenters drawn to the footage like lab rats to swiss cheese.
Do Something Amazing

The American Air Force offers some bitching ideas on how you can make your mark in the world!
Elevating the Human Condition

“I would call our diplomacy quiet and effective diplomacy — diplomacy all aimed at helping people, aimed at elevating the human condition, aimed at expressing the great compassion of the American people.”

(President George W. Bush, Uruguay, March 11, 2007)
Some of the Nonsense
was Evil

Kurt Vonnegut on Sea Pirates and the brave history of America from his Breakfast of Champions.
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