Surfing the Spectacle

Gift from the Gods

Some humans are gifted with uncanny powers of healing. They literally “feel your pain” and then, remarkably, they repair all damage.

Sometimes they use psychic fusion, sometimes therapeutic touch. And sometimes, actually quite often, they use the WORD.

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Take Rush Limbaugh, America’s most powerful radio talk show host. He knows the heart of the American soldier. He knows that American troops face troubling dangers in Iraq and Afghanistan, and that their job is most difficult.

He knows all this and he wants to help. He deeply wants to help.

If you or I could help American soldiers, we might want to get them more protective clothing, sufficiently armored vehicles, decent wages, a new president, and a safe journey home. But that’s because we don’t really understand the American soldier. Rush Limbaugh does and he knows what they want.

What they want is Rush Limbaugh. They want to listen to Rush. They want to read Rush. They want to think Rush.

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And now for just 50 bucks, we can help them get what they want.

It’s all part of Rush’s astonishing Adopt a Soldier plan. You see, for just $49.95, you can make sure that a deserving soldier gets free online access to all of Rush’s radio archives, and gets a free subscription to his Limbaugh Letter, a colorful compendium of Rush’s wit and wisdom.

That’s an incredible offer! For instance, Rush recently explained how global warming is a socialist lie designed to destroy America, and that liberals pretend troop casualties are a big deal when there are plenty of people being murdered in American cities. Such stirring messages can really heal and invigorate our soldiers.

But we live in a twisted age. And we all know that there will be limp-wristed commies calling Rush a reactionary draft-dodging media-millionaire blowhard who exploits the war for his own financial gain. But why respond to the sad little spin machine of the liberals? When an angel comes bearing gifts, these monkeys can only shriek and throw their poo.

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But is Rush the only angel truly reaching out to give our troops the very best?

Oh, no.

At FOX News, you can find another shining cherub. It’s the illustrious Bill O’Reilly who has promised that everytime you buy a copy of his book Culture Warrior – and it’s a beautiful book – he’ll send a second copy to one of the troops overseas.

That second book will be utterly free of cost.

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That, my friends, is sincerity. That is purity of the heart. That is America at its very best.

[The war photograph was shot by Cheryl Diaz Meyer of the Dallas Morning News.]

COMMENTS

  1. Rush represents the most over-represented miitrnoy EVAH!Sickest is the possibility that he actually believes the ratfuckery crap he spews.Still the more outrageous and unhinged his derangement becomes, the more he seems committed to it.Committed is a word that will one day (soon) be used in a happier context with Lush and the Blowholes. When TSHTF he’ll have to stand and deliver. He seems to be stocking up on pounds of flesh for the proceedings.Fuck him. He’s destined for the WTF hall of shame.

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