It’s insane to go anywhere these days
But with so many awkward and ungainly choices,
Taser International has the answer.
Its team of top artists and designers have created
Check out this sporty pink number, ladies.
Sleek, stylish and, best yet…
…a little squeeze sends 50,000 volts of electric shock
Simply ideal for the fashion-forward crowd.
The taser design, with its svelte yet sensuous contours,
A powerful reminder of man’s unity with all living things.
With such a high level of aesthetics, the taser is becoming an
Could the taser designers display their work at MOMA or the Louvre?
But these artists are dedicated to the transformation of everyday culture.
And now they’ve dreamt up something truly new and marvelous.
Behold the Taser Music Player Holster, which holds
Everyone knows it’s most unpleasant when you tase a man
Now you can remain blissfully oblivious to his blood-curdling cries
It’s a Taser International motto: “Mixing Music with Security.”
Want to subdue an unruly questioner at a political event?
Just set the volume high for your fave tunes
We admit it.
Our harsh denunciation last year of tasers was wildly flawed.
We displayed evidence showing that tasers were dangerous
As if that really mattered.
We ignored the beauty of it all and in so doing, failed in our role as artists:
Serving those who depend on us.
A recently political ad has utterly transformed how we all see Barack Obama.
With millions gushing over Obama, the McCain commercial compares his popularity to the shallow popularity cult of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.
And it’s like a lightning bolt!
How true! How absolutely correct! The hype and mystification finally exposed!
Yes, Obama is exactly like these two young white female celebrities
with their sex tapes and their rich daddies.
When a source on McCain’s staff revealed that more commercials of this kind would be coming, SurfingtheSpectacle begged for a look at these ads. We had to know more about the real man lurking behind the Obama mask.
And though we could not obtain the actual videos, we did manage to procure the rough scripts of the upcoming campaign commercials. These scripts are are so stirring, so utterly truthful, we feel compelled to share them with our fellow citizens:
JM08 COM#43: MR. ORATOR
NARRATOR: “He’s the most riveting orator in the world. But does good
‘public speaking’ mean you’re ready to lead? Adolph Hitler thought so,
and millions were murdered in a monstrous holocaust. Can we really afford
to take a chance on history repeating itself?”
VIDEO: SHOTS OF 200,000 GERMANS CHEERING OBAMA’S SPEECH IN BERLIN INTERCUT WITH IMAGES OF ADOLPH HITLER HOLDING SWAY BEFORE ROUSING GERMAN CROWDS, THEN CAMERA ZOOMS IN AND FREEZES ON OBAMA.
JM08 COM#44: MR. INTELLECTUAL
NARRATOR: “He’s an elite Ivy League educated intellectual. But are his ‘big ideas’ right for America? Barack Obama says no to offshore drilling. No to U.S. victory abroad. And YES to taxes. Sound familiar? Sounds like the ‘big ideas’ of the brutal communist dictator Vladimir Lenin. That’s the real Obama.”
VIDEO: DRAMATIC SHOTS OF OBAMA SPEAKING BEFORE
VARIOUS CROWDS JUXTAPOSED WITH IMAGES OF MISERABLE,
REPRESSED SOVIET CITIZENS COWERING.
JM08 COM #45: MR. COOL
NARRATOR: “He’s charming. He’s charismatic. He’s ‘cool.’ Or so he seems. Charles Manson seemed charismatic too—an ‘American Original,’ just like Barack Obama. But John McCain knows there’s nothing ‘cool’ about ritualistic cult murder. John McCain knows we don’t need Charlie Manson in the Oval Office.”
VIDEO: IMAGES OF OBAMA SHAKING HANDS, SMILING, JOKING,
JUXTAPOSED WITH IMAGES OF CHARLES MANSON AND NEWS
FOOTAGE OF THE SHARON TATE MURDERS BEFORE MOVING TO
A TIGHT CLOSE UP OF OBAMA’S STRANGE EYES.
JM COM #46: MR. ATHLETE
NARRATOR: “Avoiding military service, Barack Obama never spent time on a battlefield or a POW camp. He preferred instead the safety of a warm gym to develope his lithe, athletic body, much as a gay male bodybuilder might. Does America really want a gay bodybuilder in the White House? John McCain voted to put homosexual rapists and murderers behind bars . . . for life.”
VIDEO: SHOTS OF OBAMA PLAYING BASKETBALL WITH THE
TROOPS IN IRAQ DISSOLVE TO SHOTS OF MALE BODYBUILDERS
DISSOLVE TO GAY PARADE SHOTS, FOLLOWED BY A SERIES OF
MUG SHOTS BEFORE SETTLING IN ON OBAMA.
JM08 COM #47: MR. INSPIRATION
NARRATOR: “In our great land, anyone can succeed, regardless of race, creed or color. But does the virulent anti-semitic hate-speech of a Louis Farrakhan really have a place in American politics? John McCain says no. No to race war. No to violence and mob rule. No to Barak Obama’s vision for America.”
VIDEO: IMAGE BEGINS WITH SMILING BLACK CHILD, THEN MOVES TO BLACK PANTHERS, LOUIS FARRAKHAN, WILLIE HORTON, URBAN RIOT FOOTAGE AND A LONG ZOOM IN TO AN ANGRY OBAMA.
JM08 COM #48: MR. UNITY
NARRATOR: “Barack Obama calls for global unity, tolerance, and international law — the very same things that the AntiChrist advocates. Don’t believe it? When the AntiChrist rides in from Babylon on a horse of death singing a song of unity and the world falls to bloody apocalypse, you’ll believe it all right. Read your Bible, America. That’s the real Obama.”
VIDEO: INTERCUT BETWEEN IMAGES OF A CARING OBAMA, A RIDER ATOP A THUNDERING HORSE AND SCENES OF BLOODY GLOBAL APOCALYPSE.
JM08 COM #49: MR. CHANGE AGENT
NARRATOR: Barack Obama stands for ‘hope’ and ‘change.’ But what does
he mean exactly? A Koran in every classroom? Islamofascist control of the
federal government? A terrorist on every street corner? You won’t find
anything murky and sinister about John McCain — he believes in the
purity and goodness of our great nation.
VIDEO: IMAGES OF 9/11 DEVASTATION INTERCUT
WITH OBAMA IN ISLAMIC GARB.