It’s insane to go anywhere these days
But with so many awkward and ungainly choices,
Taser International has the answer.
Its team of top artists and designers have created
Check out this sporty pink number, ladies.
Sleek, stylish and, best yet…
…a little squeeze sends 50,000 volts of electric shock
Simply ideal for the fashion-forward crowd.
The taser design, with its svelte yet sensuous contours,
A powerful reminder of man’s unity with all living things.
With such a high level of aesthetics, the taser is becoming an
Could the taser designers display their work at MOMA or the Louvre?
But these artists are dedicated to the transformation of everyday culture.
And now they’ve dreamt up something truly new and marvelous.
Behold the Taser Music Player Holster, which holds
Everyone knows it’s most unpleasant when you tase a man
Now you can remain blissfully oblivious to his blood-curdling cries
It’s a Taser International motto: “Mixing Music with Security.”
Want to subdue an unruly questioner at a political event?
Just set the volume high for your fave tunes
We admit it.
Our harsh denunciation last year of tasers was wildly flawed.
We displayed evidence showing that tasers were dangerous
As if that really mattered.
We ignored the beauty of it all and in so doing, failed in our role as artists:
Serving those who depend on us.