We are a thirsty people! Fortunately Nestlé, one of the world’s most profitable corporations, lovingly offers us its wholesome waters. Pumped straight from drought-ridden California, their thirst-quenching bottles of water are crisp and clear…with a refreshing aftertaste of bribery and deforestation.
”You eight hours? Me too. Russia’s a big country and you’re a big country. Takes him eight hours to fly home. Not Coke, diet Coke. Russia’s big and so is China. Yo Blair, what’re you doing? Are you leaving?”
(George W. Bush during a G8 conference. July 17, 2006)
11-year-old Gavin Dingman was the talk of the hunting community with his impressive takedown of a rare 12-point albino buck, a specimen estimated to be found in only 1 of every 100,000 births.
In further good news, Gavin’s dad says he will hire a taxidermist to take the carcass and create a full body mount: “It’s too rare and too pretty not to spend the extra money and have the whole thing done.”
Do you really need a $40,000 85-inch 4K Ultra HD 120Hz 3D Smart LED TV?
Damn right you do. Way more than, say, your second daughter. Happy comments on Amazon say it all.
And Win Win Win!
We salute the beautifully generic values found in the ads of all the wonderfully generic companies. They really are improving the world.
Originally expressed as poetry by Kendra Eash in McSweeney’s.
“So long as this obscene display was confined to prostitutes and adulteresses, we did not think it deserving of notice; but now that it is attempted to be forced on the respectable classes of society … we feel it a duty to warn every parent against exposing his daughter to so fatal a contagion.”
(The Times of London, 1816, upon the first performance of the waltz at a royal British Ball)
Remember! You Too Can Be Happy!
Obsessed with the quest for cash and material? Crave superiority? A visit to this site reminds you of where you stand compared to other humans on the globe.
Kurt Vonnegut’s novel Slaugherhouse Five considers Tralfamadorians, time travel and the 1945 firebombing of Dresden, Germany, which killed tens of thousands of civilians. Vonnegut was there as a POW. He saw the aftermath of the bombing, an episode that might be said to have altered his comic perspective. Hear him read an excerpt from the book below.
“Darfur is nothing compared to what’s going on in the Congo,” says Schuler Deschryver, who despite constant death threats, continues to raise the plight of Congolese women. “My father was the founder of the National Park in Rwanda, which is home to rare silver back gorillas. During the war here, just one silver back was killed. And when it happened, within 48 hours millions in funding was sent to ensure the rest of the gorilla population was protected. Why isn’t the same done with our women? I’ll tell you why, because in the eyes of the international community animals have more value than humans in this part of the world.”
(Sydney Morning Herald, Nov. 24, 2007)
Kurt Vonnegut on Sea Pirates and the brave history of America from his Breakfast of Champions.